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"I know a lot of people say it's 'against the code,'" says San Francisco resident Andy, 34."But why should some set-in-stone code get in the way of love?But she left off one that her friend, Natalie, thought was pretty important: “Thou shalt not covet thy friend’s ex-boyfriend.” Yes, Christy rationalized to herself (as well as to me and all her other girlfriends, neighbors and Starbucks’ cashiers) that it was okay to date Natalie’s ex-boyfriend, Collin, because of the following circumstances: was would it upset Natalie? The answer to these two questions turned out to be yes and no, respectively.So in Christy’s case she got the guy but lost the friend.At first, we got in a huge fight and I thought we would never be friends again.Then I missed her, we made up, and I tried to pretend I was okay with her dating him. Hearing her talk about him was torture for me, being with them together was even harder.I was miserable, angry, and felt so betrayed, but I was trying to hide it because I didn’t want to lose my friend. and after they broke up, him and I got close again, and we started dating.I could tell she wasn’t thrilled, and our friendship became more about jealousy than anything else.

" Recently, I spoke to men who debated the pros and cons of the following the "exes code" — a name I give to the often unspoken (and on some occasions, loudly voiced) rule that helps keep the peace by keeping guys from raiding their buddies' little black books.

We got in a fight, and after that, we really did stop being friends forever.

I still miss her sometimes, and I still wish he was never in the picture.

But is there a way for everyone to live happily ever after in this situation? Jumping the gun will undoubtedly cause bad feelings. “Even after that, we all tried to be friends but then he would hit on me.” Who needs a mess like that?

This is definitely a tricky dating scenario, so don’t make it worse by starting to see your pal’s ex when he’s, well, not quite her ex yet. Recalls Holly Matthews, “My guy and I weren’t even broken up when he and my friend got together. OK, so let’s say your friend and her guy are absolutely, positively broken up. “If she says she'd hate you to do that, ask her why,” suggests Dr.




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