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It's not a case of once we trust someone we can sit back and breathe a sigh of relief, we trust on a daily basis. However, remember at all times that your emotional wellbeing is not down to someone else, it's down to you.

That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.

So, whether you’re years deep in a charmingly fairy tale-esque romance with your beau or you’re just now firing up to dive into your first, here are seven things to remember as a white person involved with a person of color.

While it’s okay for conversations about white supremacy to make you uncomfortable (hey, we should be uncomfortable with that shit), being generally aware of how race plays out and feeling fairly well versed in Being honest about the ways in which race is complex – both inside and outside of your relationship – shows a willingness to engage with a part of your partner’s identity and experience in a way that really holds them.

We are at our most vulnerable when we've been through divorce and our urge is to run away from pain. We can allow fear and the idea that we're protecting ourselves from pain to run our lives or we can put our big knickers on and decide that whatever happens we'll cope.

One must rely on other therapies that offer long term cure.

And while it’s important to be willing to talk to your partner about race and to feel comfortable bringing it up, it’s just as important to be willing to step back and recognize when your whiteness is intrusive. I’ve been the “But I love you, and you love me, and why can’t you share this with me? Because it’s really difficult to watch your partner hurt and not be let in. Maybe it isn’t appropriate for your partner to take you home to meet their parents.

Maybe it isn’t even appropriate for your partner to talk to their family at all about their dating life.

The nature, extent and causes of Philophobia all vary from case to case and sometimes it is a real mystery as to why it might have occurred in the first place.

Philophobia symptoms vary from individual to individual: Fear of love phobia can thus be quite debilitating to the sufferer.




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